Forgiveness and fear go hand in hand. The reason we need to forgive is because others have caused us pain, and in experiencing this pain, we fear being hurt again. True forgiveness requires two things, one is a change in behavior by those who hurt us, and then we must have courage to give the other a chance to show this new change. Both of these things must occur to experience true forgiveness, and to move forward together.
I am learning this important lesson in my spiritual journey, as I have never believed true forgiveness is possible. There is always lingering distrust of those who hurt me as I experienced abuse in my childhood, and I swore that I would never let anyone hurt me again. From heaven, I have been given an opportunity to experience true forgiveness, but this requires me to muster all of my courage to give others who have hurt me a chance to show they have truly changed and is a new person now, as I never have witnessed true change in my life.
I am being tested to see if I can find it in my heart to believe that genuine change is possible, and the courage within to allow those who hurt me to return to my life. This time, I will not allow fear to hinder me, as I shall find true forgiveness within my heart. Healing light and love, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
Two and half years after the rise of my Kundalini and practicing ascension work, my lenses of my past begin to fall away. That is how I describe it. Our view of the world is distorted by these lenses of our past emotional experiences, and these lenses begin to change as if layers of the lenses begin to fall away. With my emotional release and ego observation practices, each layer covering these lenses, and its distortions begin to fade away.
I call these distortions from the lenses of my past emotional history, illusions. They are not real and not reflected in our reality as it is our own distorted perception of reality. Because of these distortions or illusions, we may believe that we are victims, need our egos stroked and boosted by others to survive, and believe that we are dependent upon others for our emotionally recovery as we are driven by fear, self doubt, and self loathing.
When these lenses finally fall away, we find that we are powerful within ourselves, that we manifest our own future, and that we can have joy and happiness regardless of our external circumstances. This is very empowering to know and believe about ourselves. It is this internal power that will help us move forward in our life, and give us the life that we have always dreamed. May you find your dreams, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
As humans we are always comparing ourselves with what others have or what else we can have that we don’t currently have. This is all based in ego, and it feeds ego’s needs. It is never enough, as we must have more, something or someone better, such as a faster car, more money at a job, a bigger house, or another lover who is more pleasing.
We forget to look within at how lucky we are to have the people in our lives, the love we share with them, or the wonderful work we are doing in our lives. Recently, I have come to realize that my ego’s needs are endless, and I have failed to realize how much I love the people who currently are in my life, how rewarding my job is to me, and all the wonderful activities and interests that nourish my life now.
It is this great appreciation of what I have, and not what I don’t have in my life that will make me happy and give me peace. When we are constantly searching externally for this peace and happiness, we shall never find it. Our happiness does not come from finding a more pleasing lover, a better job, a bigger house, a faster car, or new interest and hobby. It comes from within us, in appreciating our own life and who we truly are with all our flaws.
I have finally found the elusive happiness and peace that I have been searching for my entire soul life. May you find your happiness and peace within you, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
All the fear was within me,
As there are no mortal enemies,
Or men lurking in the shadows.
Ego is the great illusionist,
Resurrecting fear from my past,
Silently and insidiously.
When dawn finally arrives,
And shines its light,
I see through blinders of my past.
The day has come,
When I love who I am,
Without deception or denial.
I have forded to the other side,
Of the great river wide,
Finding safety in my new realm.
I have come full circle,
To find my soul waiting patiently,
As I face my new life before me. ~ Brooke
(Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
Hello! I am so sorry to hear about your abuse. I would suggest using Observing Ego Practice to help with your fears and panic attacks found at this LINK. Once your panic attacks are under control then you need to do Emotional Release Practice to heal your underlying emotional pain found at this LINK. I send you healing love, Brooke
Jealousy is a common human emotion created within ego. As I have been suffering from this negative emotion all my life, I begin to understand the underlying cause for this jealousy. It is the lack of self worth and feeling unworthy of love. We all have some level of lack of self esteem, but I feel that my childhood trauma resulted in my extreme low self esteem no matter how much I accomplish in my life.
This jealousy arises like a tidal wave when my painbody is triggered. Recently, I went through several bouts of my painbody being triggered. The emotional pain was so intolerable that I had to run away from this pain. When I am truly honest with myself, I realize that this emotional pain triggered in my painbody is old, old karmic pain that is stored in a very deep layer within my painbody. I believe that my jealousy stems from many lifetimes of feeling inadequate, unworthy of love, and not good enough.
As I begin to explore these emotional pains, I begin to learn to love myself, and accept myself for who I am. Be okay with who I am now, even if I feel jealousy, and forgive myself for feeling this way. When we learn to love ourselves even with our flaws, we don’t wait for others to accept our flaws as it no longer matter. It is we who matter what we think about ourselves that determines our self worth. Once we reach this place, it really doesn’t matter what the world thinks about us. May you find self love, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)
As a person who suffered from childhood abuse, I am learning to trust others as an adult now. What I have learned about trust with others is that trust is a two way street. We can love others unconditionally, but we cannot trust others unconditionally. It is earned, and we must show our trustworthiness to those we love before we can expect them to trust us.
My childhood was wrought with distrust as I was abused by my parents. My father also had countless affairs, deceived, and betrayed my family. This left a lingering pain of distrust within me about men, and their selfish needs to fulfill their egos. This has caused deep distrust within me in my relationships, resulting in my conflicts and failed relationships.
As I am now trying to learn to trust, I am beginning to give others a chance to build this trust with those who can show me honesty and openness without fear. I am beginning to learn that trust is possible when we give those we love a chance to show me that they are trustworthy. This is huge progress for my emotional growth, and shows that I have the ability to live beyond my past emotional history. May you learn to trust in your life, Brooke (Copyright 2013 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)